


Awake

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lestat POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-16
Updated: 2007-03-16
Packaged: 2019-10-02 01:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Lestat wakes briefly from his coma, and finds Marius waiting. Post TVA.





	Awake

I have no idea what I’m doing in Marius’s living room. I really don’t. Must’ve walked over here at some point, but I don’t remember that. It’s hard to care. It’s easy to sit on the carpet, with my head resting against the edge of his couch. I assume that I’d meant to sit on the couch, but it’s enough that I’m here, and not in that damnable church. 

 

“Lestat.”

 

I look up, and Marius is looking down at me, bigger and grander than life itself. I want to laugh at that, because there’s something very familiar about it, but I can see myself reflected in his eyes – my own right eye ruined. 

 

“You’re awake.”

 

It seems that that’s all anyone says, every time I’m aware enough to listen to them. I don’t need to be told that I’m awake. I feel it, and I see that the world around me is real, though permeated with things that most certainly are not. I feel Marius’s hands on my shoulders, and I think for a moment that he’s going to pull me into his arms, but he only helps me rise to the couch before taking a seat a respectful distance away. I can feel him watching me, but he doesn’t say anything. I hate it. 

 

“Do you believe any of this?” The question sounds beautifully rational, and it comes from my own lips. I decide it’s worth continuing. “You read all of what I saw, old man. I know it. Does it mean anything to you? It probably doesn’t.” 

 

“I believe that you saw something," Marius replies. No one else can pull off calm the way he does. He has the kind of voice that was made for soothing madmen. It’s no wonder that he and Armand got along so well. 

 

“I believe that I saw something too.” 

 

I close my eyes, and I hear nothing except for a buzzing far away, which seems to grow into a roaring and then a scream. Not my own scream. I know that it isn’t me, because Marius moves closer to me and says my name very softly, so softly that if I had been screaming I would not have been able to hear it.

 

“What?” 

 

“Look at me.” 

 

I do. Marius is very close. The rest of the room is pitch black, and Marius is a shade of white that’s almost painful. His eyes are blue as ever, but I keep thinking that I see winged creatures moving in them. I sit up. I feel like I need to touch something solid, something that belongs to the room around me. I grab at one of the many velvet throw pillows on the couch, and clutch it tightly. 

 

“It’s red,” I say, looking at the pillow, and then back at Marius who seems normal and solid again. 

 

“It is.”

 

Marius reaches out to take my hand, then stops short. His eyes are momentarily wide. 

 

“They don’t want you to touch me.”

 

I swallow. He looks down at his lap. I can tell that he knows it is true, but that he doesn’t want to say it, not when he doesn’t know what they are or even believe in them.

 

Talking seems the only thing to do. I know that I can do that right now, and I want to. 

 

“Do you hate me?” I half smile at the way those words sound… clear, perfectly pronounced, and perfectly structured. 

 

“No," Marius says, without hesitation. “I’m worried about you.”

 

“I don’t mean right now.”

 

“When do you mean?” 

 

“Yesterday.” 

 

Marius smiles, in that gentle sad way that is undeniably him. I want to crawl into his skin. 

 

“You were not awake yesterday.” 

 

“That’s not what I meant.” My voice sounds snappish. I don’t like it. I bite my lip, to keep that tone out of my voice. It hurts, but I like that. It makes me feel more real. 

 

“Don’t do that.” Marius reaches out to touch my hair, this time with more success. It’s obvious – they don’t want me to hurt, or do anything to draw myself closer to this reality, so it’s alright for him to try and stop me. The only thing that keeps me from jerking my head away is how good it feels to be touched. I close my eyes again. “That’s better,” Marius whispers, “Tell me what you meant.” 

 

“You like it when I’m like this.”

 

Marius only shakes his head. 

 

“But you like it when Armand is like this. You wish he had gone to heaven, and hell, and come back crazy so that he would need you. He wishes he’d gone. He wants everything I’ve seen, but he can’t have it.”

 

“Lestat. Stop.” 

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

“No," he says too quickly. Then he sighs. “Yes. But there will be time for that later.”

 

“I know that you’re angry with me.” 

 

Marius seems as if he’s about to say something, then he laughs lightly. “You also know that you’re taunting me. Perhaps you are feeling better than you seem.”

 

“I’m fine.” 

 

“I can tell.” 

 

I move so that Marius isn’t touching me anymore.

 

“Where is Louis?”

 

“He was with you.”

 

“He wanted to come with me,” I say, remembering. “I told him he could rot, then I pushed him somewhere.” 

 

I close my eyes, to block out the shadow that has passed over Marius’s face. 

 

“Louis is with David.” Marius sounds relieved. After all, I’m dangerous and there’s no telling what I might do, right? I shiver, remembering being tied up in that room, with no way of ever getting away from the angels…

 

“Do you remember when I burned down Louis’s house? That’s the reason that you hate me.” I wish that Marius would say something, but he doesn’t. “Did you read the book I wrote about that?” 

 

Marius nods. 

 

“Didn’t you like it? It was such a good book. It was fantastically written, you know. Such an adventure. And you hate me for it.” 

 

“Perhaps you might try writing fiction next time.”

 

“Do you hate me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Will you ever hate me?” 

Marius stiffens. I know at once that he’s going to walk out, and never come back.

 

“Please don’t go.” I whisper, in a voice that doesn’t even sound like my own. “You don’t have to answer.” 

 

Marius shakes his head. “You’re the damndest creature. Truly.”

 

I smile at the familiarity of those words. 

 

“If you must know, I’ll never hate you. I’m incapable of it.”

 

“Incapable of hatred? I don’t believe it. You hate Santino.”

 

Marius’s hands are clenched in tight fists, but his tone is still strenuously calm. 

 

“Incapable of hating you Lestat, and you know it. Now stop asking.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Oh. I see. Now you want a litany of reasons.” 

 

I shake my head. The tears have sprung to my eyes, but I don’t care. “I want this to stop.” 

 

Marius reaches for me, pauses, then wraps his arms around me quickly, as if to defy whatever forces might conspire to keep him away. They are silent, and I know why. I’m too far gone. Nothing he can do for me matters. There’s nothing for me to do now but cry. 

 

“I know.” 

 

“It’s going to happen forever.”

 

“Shh. It won’t.” 

 

I want so much to believe him. I want to remember what it felt to be near him, before I realized that he too was fallible. Slowly, things begin to settle and grow quiet. 

 

“The sun will rise soon.” Marius begins to draw away. 

 

“I don’t want to go back to the chapel.”

 

“You can stay here.”

 

How hollow those words sound! I know that I’ll be back there tomorrow night, unable to speak, or move. The roaring has begun again. 

Marius moves about the room, pulling heavy shutters over the window, covering me in something heavy and black. I hate him suddenly, for not being able to stop the sun or the descending darkness. I think that he kisses me on the temple before leaving, but I am already beyond knowing anything.


End file.
